Weird, Embarrassing, and Gross Moments in Running
Us runners have more than enough experiences we often can’t really share with our non-running friends without scaring them off. Whether it’s withstanding mileage-induced hemorrhoids or being the accidental target of a snot-rocket, we have all experienced a Petri dish of embarrassing, gross, and weird moments while running.
This is an updated version of an article originally contributed by Stephanie Laska, M.Ed, Ambassador and pacer for The 2018 San Francisco Marathon. She’s known for becoming “half” the person she used to be by losing 140 pounds and winning first place, Athena division, in her very first marathon (Modesto Marathon, 2015).
Usually, these are not the moments we share on Facebook and Instagram.
If you don’t have your group of weird running friends yet and, therefore, have nobody to discuss these things with, I can tell you one thing: you are not alone in this, my running friends. In fact, this is beginner stuff; we are just getting started!
Leaking Body Parts
When the body jiggles and wiggles for miles upon miles, fluids often leak out. Have you ever noticed most runners wear black shorts? Case in point.
Ladies, note that medical aid stations do not usually stock tampons. (Honestly, why not? Especially during physically demanding feats, our bodies sometimes decide to start earlier. Could there be any more of an emergency?).
And before every man gets grossed out by that last comment, gentlemen, please look down and check on your bloody nipples. Yes, a bib can cause chafing. Yes, we can all see.
Porta-Potty Nightmares
Trying to add an extra layer of underwear for leaking camouflage protection might backfire when trying to pull everything up in the latrine. Sweaty underwear twisted up in shorts equals five minutes of pure hell trying to discombobulate yourself.
Oh, and you dropped your sunglasses? Now try to decide what is worse: wearing those glasses that were on the floor of a toilet that’s been used by hundreds of people before you on your face for 26 miles, or squinting into the sun? (I myself have bravely chosen the former.)
Great Legs, Ugly Feet
Peeing in Public
You probably thought you were wild and crazy going in the bushes during a 5 a.m. run in the dark.
Race Day is a whole different story. If you’re not the one on the side of the route, you’ll likely witness a few of your fellow runners having an emergency. Yes, there are port-a-potties at water stations—but our bodies aren’t always willing to wait!
Tripping and Falling
My dog has swept me off my feet twice, literally. Nothing like eating pavement in front of the carpool lane for everyone’s morning entertainment! (But yes, I kept running all scraped and bloody.) Even elites have, at one point or another, become running roadkill. Don’t let it bruise your ego—as long as it’s not a medical emergency, wear your scrapes and bruises as a badge of honor!
Long distance running is not for the faint of heart. When you push your body to run extreme miles, weird, embarrassing, and gross things start to happen. If you are new to the sport, be forewarned! Veteran runners? Unite and come out of the pitch-black port-a-potty; you are not alone. We might look like a complete disaster and smell disgusting, but nothing will get in the way of crossing the finish line!
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